dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
