I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
