You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
