You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
