Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
