do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
