The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
