So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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