the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
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He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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