...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
