I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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