And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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