It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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