walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
