So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
