do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
