im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
