if i can run in heels then i can drive
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
