dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
