Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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