There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
