so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
