too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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