I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
