her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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