I think I died a long time ago.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
