ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
honey bunches of taint.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
