Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
