Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
