just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
