When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
