You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
