ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
