Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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