I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
