Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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