he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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