you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
