Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
