There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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