At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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