Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
