we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
