We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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