I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
being pregnant is like rehab
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
