PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.