No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
