Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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