No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
