Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
this boner is exhausting
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
