let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
