it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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