I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
