I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
