i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
