Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize