im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
