Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
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I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I lost the right to judge tonight
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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