I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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