he told me I talked like a deaf person
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
