just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
