I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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