It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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