My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
