i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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