I like my sex mixed with concussions.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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