and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
