he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
