did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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