dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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