Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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