Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize