Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.