If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
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So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
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Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.