Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.