So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
