Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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