i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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