the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
