it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
