she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i came on her dog
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
