Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
